Fantasy football week 3 takeaways


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Week 3 was a great offensive week! We had teams scoring points left and right! How about your fantasy team? Did they go on a scoring tear, or were they hiding under a rock? I had a week for the ages, only losing in one league out of six which is great, only if I would have ended up putting those line ups on fan duel or draft kings! I would have made out pretty good! Oh well, there is plenty of time for my daily fantasy players to make me money, now it’s time for my top 5 fantasy football takeaways for week 3!

  1. Not Catcher Freeman, but Devonta Freeman: This guy was fuego last week piling up 37 points! He ran rabid on the Cowboys defense, rushing for 141 yards, hauling in 52 receiving yards, and scoring 3 TD’s! All in the absence of number one running back Tevin Coleman, and man did he ever pick a time to flash his skills! He was cutting through the running lanes with great change of pace, adding along his willingness to explode through the holes and welcome contact on all levels of the defense. No one was able to stop this guy as he racked up big gain, time and time again, and was a huge factor in the check down game as well. As long as Tevin Coleman is out, this looks like the man in ATL, and only he can stop himself from the meteoric rise.
  2. Ice up son!: Steve Smith Sr. refuses to give up the secret to where the fountain of youth is! Racking up 30 points last week, and making Panthers fans everywhere continue the question “Why did we ever let this guy walk?” Seriously, the guy was on an IV mid-game, and STILL came back in a final attempt to finish of the job on the Bengals! He got everything he wanted after the catch, while totaling 186 yards receiving and 2 TD’s! I don’t care if him and Larry Fitzgerald know where the fountain of youth is and decline to share, it’s just too much fun watching Steve Smith run wild over all the young gun corners, and I hope it continues all season long!
  3. The grass is looking GREENer on the other side!: A.J. Green looked like he was playing for the “Mean Machine” putting up 34 points this past week, and I almost wanted to yell “The Deac is here!” when he scored that amazing fourth quarter touchdown, while beasting and feasting on ALL of the Ravens secondary. He looked like the unstoppable force he was two years ago and I see no stop in that. Not to forget, he racked up 227 yards receiving to go along with two spectacular, late game TD’s that were clutch on the part of Andy Dalton’s arm, but the play-making ability was insane, and makes me wish I had pulled the trigger to get A.J. Green in most of my leagues. Go trade for him if you can!
  4. Can’t be a sCAM any longer!: Have you seen Cam Newton this season?!?! He has been absolutely amazing especially last week shredding up a New Orleans Saints team in desperate need of a win, for 315 yards passing to go with 2 TD’s, in addition to 33 rushing yards and a rushing TD to that total! I’ll ask again, have you seen Cam Newton this year?!?! With absolutely no weapons, Cam Newton was armed with a butter-knife to go to war with, and he has brought back mink coats and anything else you could ask from a franchise quarterback! You haters have to give him the title of “Superman” clearly off of the miracles he performs weekly with that offense they put around him!
  5. A aron Rod-gers discount doubles points!: I’m convinced that Rodgers could have been a Navy seal sniper given Monday night’s 34 point performance. He was wheeling and dealing again, and with ease against a depleted, putrid, Chiefs secondary. He was drawing people offside, then chucking it up to James Jones for an easy touchdown, in addition to running the underneath pick plays to perfection. This almost seems boring to write, until I look at the actual standings which were 333 yards passing and 5 seemingly effortless TD’s! There is literally nothing that he can’t do, no throw he can’t make, and no defense he can’t fool. World class quarterback still in his prime and ready to win more Lombardi trophies!

NFL week 3 takeaways


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The clock strikes midnight on Monday night, and as I sit in angst for week 4 immediately after, I check back on all of the games that I watched or kept track of and I noticed the high scoring numbers from the week. What a week for the offenses! I saw my fantasy team go on a real tear points wise and nothing made me happier, until I realized that if I had played on fan duel or draft kings, I could have made some real money. Other than that, I have been chomping at the bit to release this article to you, so without further delay, let’s go with my top 5 takeaways from week 3!

  1. The Redskins are who we thought they were!: The Thursday night football game did not fail to disappoint, for Giants fans at least. The Redskins were abysmal, and their performance continued to show, that if you are going to crown the Redskins, make sure they can handle the prime time lights! Kirk Cousins went, well, Kirk Cousins when it comes to playing QB in prime time. He came in on the second drive of the game and through the first of his 2 “What was that?!?!” interceptions, and went to the sideline as if he didn’t know any playbook material, nor did he look like he wanted to even re-enter the game, which was punt after punt all night until garbage time. I feel as though rooting for the Redskins ages you in dog years, and of course all ‘skins fans are back to the “we’re a QB away” chatter that came back into our hearts just last year. Unless the Redskins can run for 200 yards per game for the rest of the year, I’m buckling up my seat belt for a turbulent, 5-11 season. I can only hope Jay Gruden can survive this.
  2. The Dolphins stink!: I just felt that the line used was plenty enough for this team. The Dolphins were picked by many to make the playoffs by either winning the AFC east (how much is Brady laughing right now) or to snatch a wild card birth, which is seeming less likely by the week. They have no running game to speak of with Lamar Miller, who was apparently supposed to be a running back god-send for this team, Ryan Tannehill looks to a poor mans Andy Dalton, which writes its own jokes there, and their $90 million plus investment in Suh, looks as bad as Jason Pierre Paul’s hand in that fireworks accident. Joe Philban looks to be headed for a 7-9 season, which will call for his job, especially since he doesn’t even look like coaches the team. To think, I almost put money on these scrubs to make the playoffs! I am happy I didn’t get paid that week! Thank you bi-weekly pay, and I hate you Miami Dolphins.
  3. 2015 Silver and Black attack!: The Raiders have a winning record this year! I might have to check and see if my investments aren’t frozen, along with hell itself. This team has suffered so many losses both on and off the field, and I feel as though this would be a team the late, great, Al Davis would approve of. They can throw the heck out of the football with David Carr, they have a legit running back in Latavius Murray, Charles Woodson, is still playing, and for the Raiders again, (when they look good) and Jack Del Rio might have found his west coast Jacksonville. This looks like a match made relationship that I would place some good bets on. I want to see more of this Raiders team, and I want to see them go up against some top AFC competition so I can gauge their playoff chances. Look out for the 2015-2016 Oakland Raiders.
  4. Good thing Philadelphia won!: I honestly didn’t think that Lincoln Financial Field would still be there when the Eagles got back to town if they lost to the Jets convincingly. Better yet, they beat a good Jets team that looked like they would lean on their defense for 16 games this year. You can call the man a lot of things, but Chip Kelly knows how to rally his troops into still thinking they are the great team people talked about before the season. He got the running game going with Ryan Matthews of all people, and gave Sam Bradford the “fool-proof” plan to win the game and to play ball possession even though that is the complete opposite of the Chip Kelly manual. I’m not looking out for this team until they prove to me that this wasn’t some sort of “Rams syndrome” (definition: only playing games they have circled on their schedule).
  5. The Colts are looking like a wild card exit: I’m not getting close to the hype that the Colts could miss the playoffs. In that division? versus the TEAMS in that division? Yeah right, i’ll book the Colts to win that division, but that is all I am giving them. I can’t even see them winning 10 games, and that’s for the simple fact that Andrew Luck’s shoulders like tired of carrying that team yearly. The offensive line looks worse than ever before, the coach and gm look to be on opposite sides of the book, forget a page, and the defense looks like they are giving out free passes to score like they’re working at a state fair! This team really stinks! They’re just lucky that there is no one in that division worth winning more than 7 games. Relax Colts fans, you’ll get there, I just wouldn’t be surprised if it was an Andy Dalton led Bengals team that takes them out!

That’s all for the week 3 takeaways, look out next week for my takeaways and more!

Waiver wire pickups week 4


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With last weeks waiver wire warriors behind us, let’s examine how I did on the week: Tyrod Taylor had a monster week against the Dolphins posting 24 points respectively, with Rishard Matthews exploded for the second week in a row posting 29 points in PPR leagues (23 standard). Those are my spot on picks, but on the other side we had Crockett Gilmore with 7 points, although I wouldn’t call that a failure as of yet with the Ravens schedule looking more enticing as the season progresses. Then there is Matt Jones (who?) Matt Jones, posting a horrendous score of 2 points this week, and Stevie Johnson, doing Stevie Johnson type things and going full space ghost coast to coast on me. A respectable week nonetheless, but I have 5 more waiver wire warriors that have yet to make an impact on your current roster. Let’s Begin:

  1. Marvin Jones (20 points last week): Back and in full effect for the 2015-2016 season, Marvin Jones is proving again why he is such as dynamic weapon, and why he scored 10 touchdowns in 2013-2014. He has usurped Tyler Efiert completely in the long play depth chart, and Andy Dalton continues to find him for 2-3 big plays per game. He is by far the best choice this week for my waiver wire pick up of the week and will continue to produce for a WR3/FLEX position, especially against the depleted Kansas City defense. Start him!
  2. Karlos Williams (17 points last week): With LeSean McCoy expected to miss this week because he is hobbling around on one leg, the rookie Karlos Williams continues to build his on-field and fantasy stock simultaneously, which is great for him and the fans needing that all important RB2 slot. He is a big physical back who is capable of making the first and second person miss. He should be in for a big week against a shaky Giants defense. Start him in the RB2 slot!
  3. David Carr (20 points last week): This guy is looking more and more like a franchise QB every week! (I understand it’s week 4, hear me out) The young gun is throwing the ball down the field with ease, and won on the road in a very hostile Cleveland stadium, which is known to be rowdy week in and week out. He uses his new favorite weapon Amari Cooper, early and often, and will continue to find the big plays downfield that plagued this Raiders franchise for some time now (especially with that Hayward-Bey project). Pencil this kid in for a field day versus the horrendous Bears defense, especially if you don’t have a dependable number one QB.
  4. Ryan Matthews (18 points last week): Is this the curious case of Ryan Matthews or what? The guy gets shipped out of San Diego, and then comes to Philadelphia to be a back up, only to end up the first 100 yard back the Eagles have (there’s that guy DeMarco Murray there too). He looked fantastic against a scary New York Jets team, who I had penciled in for a wild card birth, and anointed the best defense the AFC would have. Of course this would be the same week Ryan Matthews wants to show the potential he could always have if he stayed healthy. Chip and the boys are saying that he will continue to get more carries which only launches his fantasy value higher. Since I don’t completely trust him yet, plug him into your FLEX.
  5. Percy Harvin (15 points last week): Another ghost from fantasy past, Percy Harvin has emerged as a great addition to any team needing an x factor at the WR3/FLEX position. He is always a target in the play action pass for the Bills who, in three weeks, have executed that play to perfection, and continue to put Tyrod Taylor in all of the right places to make plays to this guy. He is a threat to score from anywhere, and the Bills know how to use him to score from everywhere. Match made in fantasy heaven. Start him as a WR3/FLEX.

Fantasy Football Waiver Wire Pickups for Week 3


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Now that the Fantasy football takeaways for week 2 are finished, I am presenting a new article for all of the fantasy football fans and owners out there who might want some waiver wire pickup advice or to compare to for the upcoming weeks!!! No more stalling, let’s get into my Top 5 Waiver Wire Pickups for week 3!:

  1. Tyrod Taylor: A lot of people, even though it’s only week 2 going into week 3, are needing a change at QB (me especially!!! Thanks Romo!!) and with the top choice for waiver wire pickups, I have to go with the young gun from Virginia Tech, who in the last two games not only showed me that he can play in this league, he can also be a fantasy football asset to a team on the rise. Personally, a few of my teams are on the cusp of greatness and need a few players who will score consistently around that projection, but on more than a few occasions light it up out there!!!! This is one of those players who last week went for 242 yards passing, 3 TD’s, 43 rushing yards, and a rushing TD for the total of 25 points!!!! Start him immediately!!!! I have in one of my leagues that I could get him in (literally this morning on the waiver wire).
  2. Crockett Gilmore: One of my friends and commissioners of one of the leagues I was in was really stern about picking up Crockett Gilmore BEFORE the season even started, and of course I laughed thinking that he would split time like all of the Ravens TE’s usually do, but with the absence of a second target in Baltimore (which I should have seen coming) Gilmore is a red zone threat and a large play threat! Just last week he went for 5 receptions, 88 yards, and 2 TD’s albeit against the Raiders, but definitely worth the waiver wire pickup, and when I checked earlier, he was available in ALL 6 of the leagues I’m in!! Pick him up and start him even if it is Cincinnati!!
  3. MATT JONES (WHO?!?!) MATT JONES: I will continuously refer to Matt Jones like that for the rest of his career. The guy is a freak of nature coming out of the Redskins backfield!!! He is a hard-nosed runner who has great change of pace skills, can bounce any run outside and has the requisite speed to outrun many defenders, and he knows when to be patient in the hole, then explode at the perfect time to maximize all runs. Legitimate threat to overtake Alfred Morris (this is a Redskins fan saying this too) and will be a sure bet behind the revamped Redskins O-Line. He had 19 attempts for 123 yards 2 TD’s and even 3 receptions for 23 yards for 24 points last week (27 PPR). Pick him up if he is available (he was available in 4 leagues) Start him in the flex if you’re not sure about him just yet.
  4. RISHARD MATTHEWS: Not well-known among the fantasy football community coming into the season for Dolphins WR’s but has staked his claim in the conversation of his coaches to give him more looks. This past week alone Matthews had 7 targets which he turned into 6 receptions for 115 yards and in week one he turned 6 targets into 4 receptions 34 yards and a TD!!! He is putting up numbers and is owned at just 18% in ESPN leagues!!!!! (I have 3 teams and I picked him up in all of them) Get him and once again if you’re cautious throw him into the flex spot and watch him work magic for you!
  5. STEVIE JOHNSON: Another WR pickup in a passing league of course its STEVIE JOHNSON!!! What?!?!!? When did he come back from the fantasy grave??? I mean this guy found life again in San Diego and he is truly making the most of it!!! Just last week he had 6 targets and turned it into 5 receptions, 45 yards and a TD, and in week one he turned all 6 of his targets in to receptions for 82 yards and another TD!!!! Pick him up off of waivers and START HIM IN THE FLEX!!! That is an order that you must follow!!! Chargers don’t have a number one (Keenan Allen Disappeared last week) and Phillip Rivers just gets it to the open man!!! START HIM IN THE FLEX!!!

Those are my Top 5 Waiver Wire pickups for Week 3!!!! All these players give you a chance to win next week (no guarantees) and they will be great additions ALL YEAR LONG!!! Thanks for reading. Next up will be my first review of the BPL (Barclay’s Premier League)

Fantasy Football Week 2 Takeaways


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Fresh off the release of my NFL takeaways, I’m now doing my Week 2 takeaways for fantasy football. I forgot my waiver wire pickups for last week so I will do my waiver wire pickups for week 3 this week as well. Now I present my top 5 fantasy football takeaways for week 2!!

  1. THE LEGEND OF LARRY FITZGERALD!!: Did he jump into a DeLorean and get back all of his fantasy value?!?!?! I mean the first two weeks of the season have been exactly what the doctor ordered for his career! A 3 TD game!!! In 2015?!?!?! Now I’m pissed that I along with other watched him nose dive down the draft, only for someone with no credible receivers to speak of, picking him up and having him run wild for them. The man torched the Bears for 8 receptions, 112 yards, and 3 TD’s!!! Last week he still had 14 points with no TD’s. This sort of comeback reminds me when people said Antonio Gates was done last year (I hope minus the PED’s though). Larry Fitzgerald with 29 points for week 2.
  2.   MATT JONES!! WHO?!?!?! MATT JONES!!!!!: As a Washington Redskins fan, I’m glad that one of my teams players made it and man did he ever make it on to the national spotlight!!! In a game where the Redskins were supposed to be three and out kings, the solid running game of Morris and the man of the hour Jones carved up the vaunted St. Louis Rams defense for 182 yards rushing with Jones amassing 123 yards rushing and a touchdown by himself and if not for a late fumble would have had considerably more! This guy Matt Jones, (who?) Matt Jones (you have to do that!) is definitely the truth when it comes to toting the rock and will get his touches, it’s just with the two man committee, how long will it take Jones to pass Morris on the depth chart to increase his fantasy value. Jones ended with 24 points and his ceiling continues to rise rapidly!!
  3. MINITRON TRANSFORMS NOTHING TO SOMETHING!!: Julian “Minitron” Edelman is a PPR monster!! If you have this man in a PPR league, only trade up for top 3 receivers (Brown, Jones, Beckham). Every time I watch the Patriots play, besides Gronk looking like a man child out there, Edelman is continuously beasting and feasting, week in and week out!!! He takes 7 yard hitches and outs, then turns them into immediate YAC. He always finds the red zone when he needs to, and he is just as Stone Cold Steve Austin would say “A tough ass SOB” Trade for him if you don’t have him, keep him in every week if you do have him!!! He logged in 11 receptions (PPR monster) 97 yards and 2 touchdowns to amass 22 points this past week. Minitron > Megatron this season?!?!? Just a thought
  4.   ODELL BECKHAM JR AKA THE YAC MONSTER!!!: This is now my official name for Odell, and it will speak VOLUMES over the season. I know I just mentioned how Minitron can turn a small gain into YAC greatness, but Odell has the after burners to turn EVERYTHING in to YAC greatness!! The 67 yard touchdown he had versus the Falcons this past week showed me that they are prepared to gear up and get Odell the ball by any and all means necessary! I mean did you see that play?!?!? He had 3 defenders around him and you could see him turn the jets on and saying ” C YA!!” to every one of them!!! He had 7 receptions, 146 yards and that YAC filled touchdown run!!! My advice is DON’T TRADE HIM!!! If you thought last year was great while missing 4 games, this year he will make up for that in yards and they just announced that he will be in the slot A WHOLE LOT MORE!!! Who is guarding him in the slot!??!?! Nickel backs??? START HIM EVERY WEEK!! He ended last week with 20 points.
  5. TOM “FUCK THE RULES” BRADY IS PLAYING NO GAMES!!!: This guy goes in the 12th round of one of my leagues because of the fake suspension wrist slap and automatically goes to being the number one fantasy QB. I mean, who saw that one coming??? As I sit here writing in disgust because I should have drafted him, I knew as soon as they announced he was starting week 1, he would look to go on that 2007 tear where he posted the middle finger to the league all year!!! The guy is a first ballot HOF player who looks like his arm will never let him down as long as he wants to play!!! He carved up the heralded Bills defense for 466 yards and 3 TD’s against a team that a week before ate Andrew Luck’s Lunch!!! No slowing down for FTR (fuck the rules Brady) any time soon. Auto start Brady ended with 28 points last week.

That’s all for the Fantasy football takeaways for the week. Stay tuned for the fantasy football waiver wire pickups of the week!!!!

NFL Week 2 Takeaways


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Another week of football down in the books!!! Man last week was a great one. A lot of surprise teams (good and bad) showed up and stood out early to let people know their championship aspirations. I watched a lot of football, drank some beer and gave the good ol’ eye test to some of these teams to come with these takeaways for you guy. Now I give you, my week 2 NFL takeaways:

  1. 1/3 OF LAST YEARS PLAYOFF TEAMS ARE 0-2 AND ARE LOOKING DISGRACEFUL: The Lions, Colts, Ravens, and Seahawks who were all formidable teams last year, all looked like they were going down sh*t creek with no paddles this past weekend! The Lions offense last year who looked more confident than Mormon Godfather in a house of ill-repute, now looks like the same team who won 5 games by 3 points or less. The Colts look as dismal as Oscar the grouch on trash day. The Ravens defense has more holes in it than 50 Cent in Get rich or die tryin’ (they look pitiful). Then there is the Super Bowl runner-up Seahawks who are more dysfunctional than West Virginia kissing cousins. The Seahawks scare NO ONE anymore!! Now with the news of Kam Chancellor coming back, that may change, but the hole may be too deep to pull themselves out of since there is only a 12% chance to make the playoffs after going 0-2 to start the season! These teams are looking to go nowhere fast, but to their credit, they all have coaches that are good enough to turn their teams seasons around. Good luck to all of them, because they’ll need it
  2. EAGLES FAN MAKE MY WEEKENDS GREAT!!: I thank Eagles fans everywhere for overreacting to Chip Kelly arriving in Philly, then going as average as Andy Reid in every Andy Reid season in Philly. Then giving away all the talent because “Chip loves him some Chip” and still stating that the Eagles will be a dominant force this year. After that horrendous display on “America’s game of the week” no less, the Eagles fold like Dollar General lawn chairs (again) on the national stage and some Philly fans made my weekend so much better by posting this and that. As a Redskins fan, I am continuously in tears from laughter and I have no one but Eagles fans to thank for this!!! Thank You Eagles Fans!!!
  3. THE CARDINALS ARE THE TRUTH!!!: I know they were playing the Bears and they stink up the joint every week, but the Cardinals look like they can’t be stopped offensively!!! Carson Palmer looks like the offensive genius he was when he lead the Bengals to the playoffs only on the first throw to get that nasty ACL injury. Nevertheless, the Bruce Arians/Carson Palmer link up was probably the best thing that could happen to that team!! Did you see the rejuvenated Larry Fitzgerald?!?!? He was getting off the line like Kurt Warner was still throwing him the ball!! The running game is just average enough to keep that potent passing game active, and the running back by committee ideal works because none of those backs are bell cows. Cardinals could RUN AWAY WITH THE NFC WEST EASILY!! (yeah I know, I know, its only week two but sheesh!!)
  4. THE BRONCOS MIGHT WIN UGLY ALL THE WAY TO THE SUPER BOWL: I’ve watched two Broncos game now, and in both of those games, people, especially Broncos fans might dislike how the team is operating (winning) but I am actually a huge fan of how they are winning games. Think about it, Peyton Manning is throwing an amount of passes that will keep him upright through the playoffs. They have an average running back by committee that will be good enough to travel on the road and the playoffs, plus the fact that the defense they put on the field every week who look like a super bowl winning defense with all the requisite pieces they have!! Give me a smart but broken down Peyton in the playoffs with that team over the field this year, except of course for Tom Brady who still proves he is the one to beat, but I think Denver’s defense is better than Buffalo’s (please put it on the record now).
  5. THE PANTHERS WIN THE SNOOZE FEST DIVISION AGAIN: Yes again, I know it’s only week two but the NFC South looks like the second weakest division in the NFC (THANKS NFC EAST). Right now the Falcons are 2-0 and look like they can challenge, but I just see Cam Newton going back in a time machine and pulling an Auburn 2.0 to win the division again on his own back!!! That’s just the feeling I’m getting this year. He is flipping over people to get in the end zone, he is throwing to receivers PHILLY BROWN AND TED GINN JR!!! AND WINNING!!! I give all the credit in the world to Cam Newton, and not because I know countless Panthers fans, but because watching him weekly and seeing his toughness through winning close games and running just to stay in the game at times proves to me him and Ron Rivera’s defense will see the divisional three peat.

That’s all my takeaways for Week 2, next up is my Fantasy Football takes for Week 2!!! Stay tuned for more content!

What happened to?: Social events without social media


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Look , before I begin, I know we are now in the digital society and staying plugged to the Internets at all times is top priority, but does anybody born pre 1995 enjoy a gathering without phones anymore??? I figured that was a resounding no, so now I present my top 5 reasons why social gatherings cannot exist without social media anymore:

  1. HEY EVERYBODY LOOK HOW COOL I LOOK! (Ron Burgundy voice): Alright so maybe everybody doesn’t have that mentality but every time I’m out at a social function whether it be a bar, club or a house party, everyone 8-10 years ago would look around to interact with people, myself included and want to know who all is in the same proximity as them. The last time I went out and tried to do that same thing, in the year 2015, you look around for the people to interact with, and EVERYBODY was looking down at the bright glowing prism of light that they all had different apps to tell people who WERE NOT in the same place as them that they were having the coolest time ever! Now I understand snapping pictures to show people, but when you’re live tweeting and posting on Facebook like a running diary every 20 seconds, there has to be a realistic ceiling on how much fun you’re ACTUALLY HAVING!
  2. ADD ME ON SNAPCHAT, PINTEREST, AND MY INSTA!!!: Dead are the days of let me get your phone number (that was the true test of the will of a man) enter the days of going to a party and instead of getting the number to use at a later said date, are now the times of being at a house party, going up to a member of the opposite sex, and asking for their snapchat name before all else!!!! Then the sick twisted post 1995ers want to make it worse by sending a snapchat to said person at the same party the other person IS AT instead of talking FACE TO FACE!!! Sickening I tell you (I’ve seen that happen too by the way, it disgusted me about the future)
  3. WHEN I SEE YOU ITS “ON SIGHT!!!” KNOW THAT!!: Once again, gone are the days when you see that one person at a social gathering you really don’t like (this is for women AND men now) and you run into them in person and exchange either words or fists. Nope not now; These days you will know that 2 or more people who don’t like each other are at a social gathering and exchanged words that would constitute hand or gun violence as soon as one spots the other, but in 2015 the “twitter fingers” go to work faster than ever and throughout the entire gathering tweets will go back and forth like “Those fuck boys really showed up here? They lucky I ain’t bring my 40” or better yet “Let that mutha fucka come over here by me and he gettin snuffed on sight!” Pitiful is the only word I have for that, but it’s the world we live in, what can I do about it?
  4. TAKE A SELFIE WITH ME!!! (*Drunk girl voice*): Gone are the days of grainy, flip phone, crappy resolution pictures taken by some rando you don’t know at the party and always messes up the pictures and your friends question how hot the person you took the pic with really was a good riddance to those days!! Now here is the one thing that I agree with. Having a high-resolution camera and the ability to have pictures taken with a front camera was a helpful game changer! Photo bombing other selfies and taking pics with that one person you want to at the gathering have never been easier and then tagging them later on to creep on the rest of their social media accounts are only one click away!!!
  5. HEY HOW DID THAT GET ON TWITTER, INSTA, SNAPCHAT?!?!: Gone are the days of getting completely trashed and having to live through it with people talking about it forever. Now everybody wants to make Worldstar by someone else’s misfortunes and the first opportunity to put someone on front street at a party chugging an alcoholic beverage and later doing something completely regrettable (mainly females). There is always a camera and a social media website one click away to catch somebody slippin and at every party I’ve been to in college or beyond, when something happens to someone drunk or sown thing of the sort the first thing said is Worldstar and somehow a camera app pulls up faster than a Chris Johnson 40 yard dash time!

That’s all folks!!! You want more??? Drop some comments, likes, and follows!!! Take care

UEFA Champions League Matchday 1 takeaways


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As requested by the most annoying Real Madrid fan I know, I’m bringing in the futbol reviews for each week of the champions league just like my NFL reviews (except the fantasy part, I have to know how to play that first). These are my top 5 takeaways from the Champions League Matchday1:

  1. THE EPL IS LOOKING REALLY FRAIL OUT THERE!!!: The English Premier League is top flight in class and cash everybody knows that, but for the past few years with me getting into futbol real heavy, I’ve noticed that when those bright Champions League lights come on and that background music (The CHAMPIIIIOOONNNSSS!!! I need to know who does that by the way) English teams tend to fold like Wal-Mart lawn chairs and these past two days were no different. 3 out of the 4 Champions League teams were beaten handily and Manchester City caught the hot one @ HOME!!! I will still be an English Premier League fan and supporter but for the like of Manchester United, Manchester City, and Arsenal, these group stage games actually count ya know??? Of Course of all the teams to secure a Victory, it had to be Chelsea, who were getting slapped around like the fat kids in Heavy Weights (classic) decided that they were going to be as good as they’re payroll deemed they should be!!! I love this time of year!!!
  2. LA LIGA IS HERE TO SHOW AND PROVE!!!: I hate those overgrown pansies as much as anyone who watches English domestic football, but sheesh! Every single La Liga team put the smack-down on everybody! Except Valencia who right now looks like the red-headed foster child of La Liga. I mean I watched a ton of futbol with my all-access Fox sports pass and man Sevilla proved why they went Back to Back (*Drake voice*) in the Europa League by throwing the A-town stomp on a very formidable Borussia Mönchengladbach squad who mailed it in after the first goal for some reason. Then the overrated pansies Los Blancos aka Real Madrid led by captain hat trick himself CR7 blasted Shakhtar in a 4-0 route. My dark horse for the La Liga contingent who I thought would go into the final 4 without overrated Mandzukic, Athletico Madrid made light work of Galatasaray who like last year got down in the match and their crazy Turkish mob started to mini-riot in the stands (those are the wildest fans I’ve seen in soccer…that’s just TV too!!!) and I turned the channel because I knew they mailed it in as well once their fans mentally left the building. Then the mighty pansy squad Barcelona with the only boring draw of the La Liga contingent and boring all the way around.
  3.  HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO WATCH FRENCH FOOTBALL??: I mean c’mon, this has to be the worst league I’ve seen when it comes to Champions League performance!!! I count Paris Saint German as the lone team to do anything until that dreaded final 8 comes up and Ibra goes Space Ghost coast to coast on me and Cavani is one episode short of Where in the world in Carmen Sandiego!!! Although Cavani scored in yesterday’s match I yawned and knew that he was doing this to lesser competition, and when the real competition gets thick, I want to see if they get lost like the idiot traveler you never wanted in the old Oregon Trail game (I used to laugh when johnny always got lost right after we went hunting!!! He didn’t have a gun, map, or anything, but we always knew when he died of shingles somehow!). Anyway French futbol is boring until further notice, Lyon is just a filler team, until proven otherwise and I just saved a bunch of money for gambling by not picking French futbol teams to thrive in European competition!!!
  4. MY MY MY THE OLD LADY STRIKES AGAIN!!: La Vecchia Signor, better known as the futbol club Juventus shocked me once again! I honestly thought that they were somewhat of a name draw fluke for making it to last year’s final, but they continuously prove me wrong with the great loans and pickups that they get!! They underpaid for super pansy Mario Mandzukic, who ironically scored a gimme goal thanks to the futbol version of “The Mailman” Paul Pogba (is there anything this kid can’t do?!?!?! all around baller!!!!) they received a firecracker of talent ON LOAN nonetheless in Juan Cuadrado, AND STILL have on of the best back fours in all of Europe!!! Bravo!!! With all that said the one player who is making a great impression on me is the kid Alvaro Morata (formerly of the pansy Los Blancos) who always comes up big in those “We need a score ASAP” moments and he has yet to fail when I see him!!! Always in the box at the right time, sort of Thomas Mueller-like and leads the charge for the rest of the troops, and then I can’t forget the anchor of it all 37 year-old goalie Gigi Buffon, who has seen it all and done it all and besides that weak Vincent Kompany move on Cheillini would have scored a clean sheet!!! Juventus putting everyone on notice!!!!!
  5. SHAME AWARDS TIME!!!!: SHAME on Barcelona goalie Marc Ter-Stegen for letting AS Roma player Alessandro Florenzi to blast this hail mary right over you!!! SHAME ON YOU!!! SHAME on Vincent Kompany for taking credit for a goal you cheated to get by spring boarding and holding Cheillini down (which is illegal) and then taking credit after it hits HIS head and goes in!!! SHAME ON YOU!!!! SHAME on M. Tel-Aviv goalie “Whatever his name is!” for letting this goal BOUNCE IN FRONT OF YOU, then right past you for one of the easiest looking free kicks I’ve seen since Gareth “Master Pansy” Bale played for my beloved Tottenham Hotspur!!! SHAME ON YOU!!!!!

That’s all for this week on my Champions League top 5 takeaways!!! Up next is my Barclay’s Premier League top 5 takeaways which will be every week the BPL is live and kicking!!!! Thanks for reading!!!!!

Fantasy Football Week 1 takeaways


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Earlier in the week I gave you my NFL game takeaways for week 1 and now for all of my fantasy football owners I’m giving you my top 5 fantasy takeaways for week 1 (If you lost week 1 don’t stop setting your roster, it’s far from over…..until you go 0-6, in that case unless you get inside Matthew Berry info ya done son). I’ll also give you my top fantasy scoring team of the week and give me your thoughts on them.

  1. JULIO JONES- MAMA THERE GOES THAT MAN!!!!: I own Julio in 3 of my 6 leagues and I can tell you this: That dude in the Kyle Shanahan X heavy favorite WR offense is looking like a MONSTAR! When the fantasy experts said he might have the best fantasy season for a WR in history, I thought that they might be taking it a little too far, but after I watched that entire game, seeing the different places they lined him up mixed in with the best launch points for Matt Ryan to get him the ball, I see HUGE numbers all season for Julio (remember in 2013 when Kyle Shanahan was OC for the Redskins and Pierre Garcon led the league in receptions?? Oh yeah). If you have Julio start him EVERY week, even the bye week because he might score then too
  2. BRONCOS FANTASY OWNERS BEWARE: YIKES!!! Seeing the mojo evaporate every quarter from Peyton Manning as an avid football fan since 2000, Seeing this Peyton Manning is disheartening and I don’t want to recognize this as his final go round. His fantasy numbers: 5. No multipliers, no jokes, JUST 5 POINTS! CJ Anderson who I have in a fluke of a pick because I hesitated in my draft (NEVER DO THIS) 7 points. For all the CJ Anderson hype and top 10 picks we got 7 points (there is a recurring theme here). The silver linings of the Broncos (in PPR leagues) was Emmanuel Sanders with 14 points and Demaryius Thomas with 13. Added together with the PPR factor, those TWO receivers can’t compare to Julio Jones and they are two prolific receivers!!! I hope Peyton can somehow use that chrome dome to churn out some value, if not you need to be unloading all Broncos players stock STAT!!!
  3. HYDE YO KIDS, HYDE YO WIFE!!!!: Carlos freaking Hyde SHEESH 32 points!!! This was the guy we saw behind Frank Gore??? I thought that the 49ers would miss Frank Gore more than advertised, but seeing that one spin move and the burst to get to the outside, Carlos Hyde folks is definitely here to stay!! All the while Mr. Gore is “icing up” every other play in Indy. Carlos Hyde will definitely finish in the top 10 for RB’s and there’s nothing any defense can do about it. Remember too that the Vikings defense he shredded was no slouch either, I just feel what will hold him back from bring top 5 is the defense he will play in his own division. I’m drinking the Carlos Hyde Kool-Aid and you should too!!
  4. 10 CARRIES A GAME ALL DAY!!: Adrian Peterson fresh off the year suspension, average draft pick of 1, and thought to shake off last years rust like the rust he knocked off last time on the road to his 2,000 yd season. This is NOT that same AP. He is 30 now, he looked jittery, he made one too many cuts when he needed to just go north and south, and he, as much as I hate to say it about one of the best RB’s I’ve ever seen and one of the most physical, he honestly looked scared to take a hit!!! Or at least he didn’t want to!!! I mean they blocked a FG early in the 1st quarter and on 3 straight plays AP was in the game and they didn’t even THINK to give him the ball!!! REALLY?!?! A former 2,000 yd rusher and staring down the barrel of the red zone and you don’t give HIM the ball ONCE!!! Something is wrong here: 10 carries, 31 yds, 8 points…. Turrible *Charles Barkley voice*
  5. HOT START CHARGERS DO IT AGAIN!!: Another season, another great start for Phillip Rivers (20 points), Keenan Allen (31 points), Danny Woodhead (22 points), and *drumroll please* Stevie Johnson (20 points)!!!! Posing as this years Eddie Royal, Stevie Johnson I predict will have a great first 4-5 weeks and then the jig will most certainly be up, but if you started Stevie Johnson, Keenan Allen, or Phillip Rivers, great plug and plays and we will definitely have to look closer and see if these numbers can remain consistent. Knowing the “Super Chargers” how I know them in fantasy though, they will hit that burnout week and start to fade away (all except Rivers who I have in only one league *proceeds to smack self*). All in all, Start Rivers, Allen, and maybe Woodhead if Gordon continues his slow “Welcome to the NFL” season.

That’s all for this week for the fantasy football takeaways week 1! Next up is the top five waiver wire picks of the week!

MY top scoring fantasy team for the week:

QB Ben Roethlisberger, Pit QB L 21-28 18
RB C.J. Anderson, Den RB  Q W 19-13 7
RB LeSean McCoy, Buf RB  P W 27-14 11
WR DeAndre Hopkins, Hou WR L 20-27 33
WR Jordan Matthews, Phi WR L 24-26 20
TE Zach Ertz, Phi TE L 24-26 8
FLEX Alfred Morris, Wsh RB L 10-17 12
D/ST Jets D/ST D/ST W 31-10 17
K Cody Parkey, Phi K L 24-26 5
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NFL Week 1 takeaways


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It was a wild and unorthodox week 1 that needed all kinds of explanations for NFL fans everywhere. Let’s get to the 5 takeaways I had for week 1:

  1. THE COLTS ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE???: Going into the season a LOT of people who I know personally picked the Colts to be in the Super Bowl as it makes sense that Andrew Luck lead them a step further every year, but that Week 1 display (yes i realize it’s only week one) was dismal! The whole game I saw Rex Ryan’s defense putting Andrew Luck on his back more than a Taiwanese whorehouse. They got some garbage time touchdowns, but when Tyrod Taylor out duels a Pro bowl QB (I’m a VA Tech fan by the way so I’ve seen Tyrod play) then you might have a problem. I won’t count them out yet, but I will be watching them closely.
  2. THE PATRIOTS CANT STOP THE CHEATING STIGMA: The Patriots fresh off another scandal filled year enter the season with their QB unscathed after dodging a 4 game suspension and guess what happens? First on the nationally televised NBC broadcast, they announce that inside of the communication headsets for the STEELERS, the broadcast for the PATRIOTS radio was interfering/playing inside of the Steelers headsets DURING the game (which later they figured out and was said to be only for a couple of plays in a drive). After the fact, there were numerous videos posted about the game clock being reset after Tom Brady gave an ALLEGED signal to reset the clock from 10 seconds back to 25. Oh how the Patriots can never escape this (video can be found here).
  3. PACMAN JONES BACK?!?!?!: During an otherwise snoozer of a contest corner back Adam “The artist formerly known as Pacman” Jones flipped his wig on rookie wide receiver Amari Cooper. After tackling Cooper, Jones decided that the rookie needed another realistic welcome to the NFL hit and removed Coopers’ helmet and then slammed his head on it to let him know “It’s real out here” in the NFL world. In a surprise decision however, Jones was neither ejected from the game nor suspended for this action, but Ndamukong Suh was ejected and suspended for this here. Possible head injury < already injured leg?
  4. THE GIANTS SWITCHED PLACES WITH THE COWBOYS: When it comes to a team that you know will implode at the worst time, the team that nationally comes to the forefront is always the Dallas Cowboys. Except for Cowboys fans, everyone who has seen the Cowboys play on a Sunday or Monday night know how fast the Cowboy implosion can occur and how it can resemble the quicksand Shane Falco talked about in The Replacements. Instead, on Sunday night we were introduced to the new “Accident waiting to happen” the New York “football” Giants have shat the bed too many times for me to ignore, and Sunday night solidified this with me when I witnessed the worst clock management series I’ve seen in years of watching the professional game. Get it together bottom dwellers!
  5. $50+ MILLION FOR 11 CARRIES WITH 2 RUNNING BACKS???: The Eagles played Julio and the gang and lost a “closer than it should have been” game and had “Glasshouse” Sam Bradford throw 52 times!!!! A guy coming off of not 1, count ’em 2 ACL INJURIES and you drop him back 52 times!?!?! I can’t fathom how that happens because you spend more than $50 million and can’t run the football….. That’s all I got and that is sad for this team. I see them getting better throughout the season in a shaky 2 headed divisional race between the Cowboys and Eagles (coming from a Redskins fan)

Honorable Mention: The Seattle Seahawks for coming back in a tough Edward Jones Dome and taking it to overtime only to try a cheeky onside kick and a pitiful shotgun run on 4th and 1 against a very capable Defensive line in the Rams who were more than prepared to stop Beast Mode….Turrible *Charles Barkley voice*