The bottom line is: Chick-Fil-A is a CULT


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This is the first edition of the bottom line, and I could not think of a better way to start off this segment with my most loved and hated restaurant of all time which would be Chick-Fil-A. I mean lets cut to the chase here, you have as well as I have on many occasions thought that Chick-Fil-A was the biggest cult in the universe right? Ok, ok, maybe not but I have my reason why I firmly believe this and and willing to share and to convert you to the same way of thinking….sounds familiar right? like chris….never-mind.

Before we delve into why I hate Chick-Fil-A and love it at same time, all the while thinking they’re a massive cult, I wondered for sometime now how I even got to this conclusion and did some fast food research at every restaurant I went to. I went to Wendy’s first because I obviously wanted a horrible experience and delicious burgers at the same time. When I went up to the counter, I noticed a few things off bat, the first being the hood rat at the counter who has nothing better to do but catch an attitude with me with all the intricate eye rolling, gum popping, and neck snapping that I obviously couldn’t get enough of.  I move to the right whilst waiting for my Baconator, and when I ask for some ketchup I go to call for the lady at the counter and one of my pet peeves rears its ugly head at me and I notice something unforgivable: The lady at the registers’ name is Tomaxinapranesha and when I attempted to say it (and slaughtered it) she says how can you not get my name right it says it right here on the name tag (to her credit it did have the lines so you know the syllable count) and you still can’t get it right? I responded the only way I knew how: “If your name didn’t look like a GTA cheat code, I probably would have known not to press the x and up and a at the same time.” So with that experience now through and me being banned from that Wendy’s for life I moved on to the topic of discussion for more research: Chick Fil-A

Upon me entering the fine christian establishment, I went into full research mode and scoped the place out with reckless abandon, searching to see who was at the counter to how many ketchup packets were in the holders. Now don’t get me wrong I love Chick-Fil-A’s food AND their excellent service, but does anyone else besides me think that they are just TOO nice for it to be Monday at 11:00 during the start of their rush??? Don’t you think Carissa is just giving you too good of an experience when she continuously says “My pleasure!!!” in that fake she’s WAY to excited to be making minimum wage voice? Do they not all sound like brainwashed cronies when they take your order? There is NOOOOO WAAYYYY I’m the ONLY person who believes this. I mean even the people who only change the tea and lemonade bins ALL DAY give you the impression of elctro-shock obedience that only the Chick-Fil-A restaurant can project. I ordered my food completely creeped out now because they all have that weird “We’re here because of indentured servitude” look on their face, but for some reason that number 3 spicy chicken sandwich is the only goal and I stay until i get it. While waiting on the sandwich to finish, when the swinging doors open back and forth from the front to the kitchen i notice someone who looks familiar in the back with the apron on cutting and frying the chicken. The person I think it is I really can’t believe so I take a double take, then a triple take and finally I can’t keep my mouth shut about it and I ask the girl at the counter, “Is that Rae Curruth back there on the grill? With a Jason mask on?” Then she looks back there and looks back at me with the signature, sinister Chick-Fil-A employee laugh and just stares at me until I get my sandwich. Needless to say I got the fuck out of there immediately and I will only frequent the Chick-Fil-A drive thru which only gives me a 1/4 of the cult experience.

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